A famous writer once penned these famous words that would survive the test of history,
“To penetrate or not to penetrate, that is the question.”
…or something like that. There is a really good chance that within the first seventeen and one third minutes of entering the lifestyle you encountered the question. Are we “full swap” or “soft swap”? Most “newbies” find themselves saying, “I am still a “pre-swap”, what the hell is “full swap” or “soft swap”. Fortunately, “soft swap” has nothing to do with wearing fuzzy bunny costumes while engaging in sexual activities. (Apologies to all you “furry” sex aficionados out there)
So what exactly is “full swap” and “soft swap” and what do I need to know about them. These are terms that describe the level of play you are comfortable performing with another couple. These are are actually just two of the six different “labels” couples use to describe themselves. The six of them are: (I am putting a guess of the percentage of lifestylers in each group to give you an idea of what is out there)
Voyeurs-(less than 1%)
This describes a couple who receives sexual gratification from watching other people have sex. They are not interested in being involved, but just to watch. There are very few couples that consider themselves purely voyeurs, but we have met one or two. Due to the fact it is going to be tough to find a couple that is going to invite you over just like to watch, be patient if this is what you are into. All lifestylers are voyeurs to differing extents by definition, but only a few limit themselves to this activity.
Exhibitionists – (Less than 1%)
Exhibitionists are couples who find their fantasies leading them to exposing themselves and/or performing sexual acts in front of an audience. Once again, we are all exhibitionists of some degree, but most of us do not consider this our only level of play. If you are a voyeur and you bump into these guys, make friends fast because you just found your needle in the haystack.
Same Room Sex without swapping – (around 10%)
A good percentage of new couples, many before they realized they were “swingers” start out having sex in front of another couple having sex. All of you hotties out there with hot tubs, probably know something about what I am saying! No swapping is involved, although there sometimes is light petting involved. Usually over time most of these couples move on to something more involved. This is how Mrs. SwingWifes and I got started in the lifestyle, although it was long before we realized we were in the lifestyle and the other couple is still “vanilla”.
Ladies only – (around 5%)
There are many couples out there who have no interest in having sex with other people, but the female half is bi-curious or full blown bisexual. Many of these couples venture out into the lifestyle to find other couples where the ladies can fulfill there fantasies. Often this may be done in front of the husbands who are fully clothed and watching, or possibly masturbating while watching. I am not sure we could do this if we wanted to. I doubt I could keep my hands off of Mrs. “G” for that long, or hanging around in a room where another guy is taking care of himself. If this ever happens I will let you know how it goes!
The previous classifications are very small groups, and usually not even listed as options when signing up for a “Swinger” site. The following two categories are the major ones!
Soft Swap – (around 35%)
The definition of Soft Swap is the full exchange of partners with everything being allowed except penetration of the female by the penis of the male half of the other couple. A large percentage of couples start in the lifestyle this way, or progress to this after moving up from “Same room sex without swapping”. But as with the same room sex, many couples over time move from here to full swap eventually. Mrs. SwingWifes and I spent exactly “1″ encounter as soft swap, before jumping head first in full swap.
Full Swap- (around 50%)
Full swap is definitely the most popular category of swinger out there. The majority of people you meet will most likely be full swap swingers. This means this couple enjoys full intercourse among the swapping spouses without any inherent boundaries. Keep in mind many full swap swingers will still play with soft swap couples. They just adhere to the couples more strict boundaries during play. Mrs. SwingWifes and I consider ourselves Full or Soft Swap because we enjoy both activities. In fact, one of our favorite couples is a Soft Swap couple. So don’t be afraid to interact with couples listed as Full Swap if you are not, you may just want to make sure they are aware of your limitations before play.
OK, I am going to pause for a minute and let take a breath. You had no idea there was so much to this “sex with other couples” thing, did you? But wait! There is more. There are probably some more tidbits of information you should probably be aware of before sneaking in between the sheets of that hot couple down the street.
Many couples may have certain activities that they consider off limits to everyone except their spouse. And though Mrs. SwingWifes and I are pushing for a law that saws these “off limits” activities should be tattooed somewhere on their bodies, we have yet to see that happen. This means it is a really good idea to have a conversation with a couple about their “rules” before diving head first into those cute sheer panties. All lifestlyers, except you newbies, have had these conversations before and are not embarrassed by them, so don’t be afraid to ask. Some examples of rules you may run into are:
No oral (Sorry guys, some ladies just don’t like it)
No anal (always assume this is a rule unless told otherwise)
Both couples must be in the same room (very common)
Condoms (always assume and make this one of yours too)
Where you can and can’t cum
These are just some of the rules you are going to find. You should always treat the other partner, just as special as you treated the person you lost your virginity to. Always assume they are not comfortable with anything other than good old fashioned sex, unless told otherwise. Guys; just because a woman is a swinger, does not mean she is kinky, wild, or maybe even that experienced. Since entering the lifestyle we have met two couples where I was officially the second man the woman had ever slept with. Most couples with more hardcore fantasies are not afraid to talk about them and will let you know about them.
What is really great, is swinger websites like CouplesTouch and Lifestyle Lounge allow couples to list their preferences and exclusions on their profile. Most often you will know their likes and dislikes before you meet them.
Well, I have done the easy part and tried to explain it all to you. Now, it is your turn to sit down with your spouse over a glass of wine and have an in depth conversation about your fantasies, limits, jealousies, and anything else that may influence where you fall in the lifestyle spectrum.
My only advice is when in doubt go the conservative route. You can always expand your limitations later, but it is really hard to erase jealousy or disappointment once the act is done. I would also say that when you decide what your comfort level is, if jealousy plays any role in that decision you may want to step back and reexamine.
If you decide to be soft swap because you want to save that special gift for just your spouse, then that is beautiful, wonderful, respectful, and absolutely the correct choice for you. If you choose soft-swap because you can not bare the thought of seeing your spouse being penetrated, or penetrating someone else, then you are on a path towards trouble. Please, whatever you do, do not put your spouse in the position of acting out your fantasy, only to realize in the process they have damaged your view of them! The lifestyle is no place for couples with marital issues, it will make them worse, not better! If you have a healthy happy marriage, then hang on for the most exhilarating, sexual liberating, marriage intensifying, communication inducing ride of a lifetime.
I hate to end such a great post on negative energy like in the paragraph above, so do me a favor. Lean back in your chair and kindly remove your pants. Now I want you to picture Claire Danes sitting on my lap laughing at my corny jokes and telling me how I am so much better looking than Brad or Tom, while Mrs. SwingWifes is rubbing her back. OK, so that did nothing for you, but I sure feel a hell of a lot better! 😉
I just had to guess on the percentages above, but to see the results of a real poll of what all you sexy swingers are just vote in the poll below!!!