The Polite Way To Say No To Swingers

One of the BIGGEST and MOST COMMON issues with swinging is finding yourself attracted to one of the members of a couple but ..sadly.. NOT attracted to another. Or there is a single member who has the hots for you but you can not even imagine…

Your partner or friends may encourage you to ‘take an L’ or ‘take one for the team’ -the team of sex… the titty team… who knows? I am going to tell you to do the hardest thing it is to do: tell them the truth.

Now know that I am not saying to wait till play time when that person approaches you with their dick-in-hand and say “Nope, your face has too much ugly for my liking”. Nor am I telling you to text the person right now with a long apology and explanation of all the things about them that you do not find attractive. I am saying to BE HONEST WITH PEOPLE AS SOON AS YOU MEET THEM. BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE aesthetically and what you look for in the personality of those you swing with.

If you’re reading this and thinking “I have never swung with anyone I did not find completely hot” then: Welcome to the lifestyle! I am glad your first and only experience was enjoyable!! But if you can sympathize with me then here is a little list of the possible things you might find unattractive in another person and some tips on


First Fixable Issue: THE PERSON OF INTEREST IS NOT A GOOD FIT, literally. This person is too skinny or too big or too muscular or bony or too whatever it is , something about their body your body disagrees with. You might like the candy but not the package.

Solution: BODY’S CHANGE ESPECIALLY WOMEN’S BODIES. Unless it is a health issue you should NEVER make a suggestion to any one, man or woman, about their body type or weight. Telling someone to gain or lose weight is insulting. However telling someone your preferences from the jump is the best way to avoid having a BBW chasing after you when you are known to consider Tyra Banks a plus size girl.

Extreme Solution: You have found that this person is still very UNattractive to you and yet they are still attracted to you. You want to make your friendship work but you can NOT get over this superficial issue. Don’t think you’re shallow, sex is very much linked to the visual. Ask them about their health goals and see if they also believe there is an issue. IF THEY STATE THAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO GAIN OR LOSE WEIGHT THAN ENCOURAGE THEM, and even tell them that you think it is a great choice for you and their relationship as well. If it is a real goal of theirs they won’t get offended by hearing that their ideal body will be appreciated by their lovers.


Second Fixable Issue: You like this person regularly but they have their vice and it can really affect them. We all know that alcohol, legal and illegal drugs are present in all communities and swinging is not exempt.YOU WANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT NOT WHILE THEY ARE “AFFECTED “.

Solution: This is a really easy one because a lot of times people use substances in order to lessen their inhibitions and be more attractive in the eyes of their lovers. SIMPLY TELLING THEM HOW SEXY THEY LOOK SOBER will be a big boost for them to drop that drink and put that pill away. No one wants to look foolish.

Extreme Solution: You have explained to the person how much more fun you have when they are sober (say no more than this, you do not want to sound judgmental) but that person is still engaging in the behavior in your presence. THAT MEANS THEY HONESTLY HAVE LITTLE REGARD FOR YOUR OPINION AND IT IS BEST TO END INTIMACY WITH THAT PERSON. That could also mean that they have an abuse problem. It is NOT your place, unless you are a counselor, to diagnose anyone but if you know the person’s S.O. or if you are a close friend consider that person’s health and encourage them to seek help.


Third Fixable Issue: You enjoy the person’s company but can’t get your anatomy to function. You know it is not stress or biology, YOU SIMPLY ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THIS PERSON but you love the conversation.

Solution: If it’s an issue with performance (a minute man with a Chihuahua thrust or a girl who thinks the clit is the only spot to lick on a vagina) then you can just SHOW THEM HOW YOU LIKE IT DONE. Be ADAMANT about that being your preferred sex-style and if they want to please you, they will adhere. IF IT IS NOT THE STYLE OF SEX BUT SIMPLY SEX IN GENERAL THAN YOU MAKE THEM YOUR ‘CUDDLE BUDY’. You can say it jokingly or you can seriously ask them to take out some time with you just to cuddle. Any lifestyler may be so used to raunchy offers that the chance to cuddle may surprise them at first. If they do take up your proposition then stick to it, dedicate some time to cuddling and chatting with that person genuinely. If they try to make a move then gently remind them that this is the cuddle time they promised you and that is all you intend to do. Cuddle. Nothing more.

Extreme Solution: So the cat got your tongue and you could not resist the dry humping that almost always follows an extreme cuddle session. Now you are here with your pants off and they are ready to start initiating. TELL THEM YOU ARE NOT IN THE MOOD AND THAT YOU PREFER ANOTHER PERSON OR YOUR S.O. at this moment and make your move OUT OF the room. Leave them to mull over their actions. This is much like telling the person “I don’t want you” but more gently by saying “I want someone else. But you’re cool too.” It may seem mean but NOTHING IS MEANER THAN GIVING SOMEONE DRY-RESISTANT-PUSSY OR LIMP-DICK OUT OF SYMPATHY.

Fourth Fixable Issue: Now THIS PERSON IS VERY ATTRACTIVE TO YOU BUT ONLY WHEN THEIR MOUTH IS CLOSED OR FULL. Despite having all the physical features on your perfect lover check-list the sounds from this person’s mouth tend to cause you to cringe. Don’t bring your earplugs to the play party in hopes of a hot and heavy mute sex session.


Solution: If you and this person just disagree on political views then avoid the topics. However if this person is unable to hold any conversation with you then it is your duty to address your own sexuality. Basically DO YOU WANT TO SEX THEIR INTELLIGENCE OR THEIR BODY. Decide which works best for you and whether that agrees with their needs for intimacy. The easiest way to make it clear is by whispering the exact thing you want into their ear .”I want your body not your mind”. Trust me, if one of my lovers told me to shut up and take my clothes off I’d have my mouth closed and my legs open. If the person takes offense you probably don’t want to swing with that particular person anyway because your idea of sex doesn’t match their own.


Extreme Solution: So the cocktails you slow sipped and your sultry suggestion has only prompted them to dive further into discussion about the color of earth from space or whatever. Your body is slowly cooling off and your brain is melting and you can’t imagine yourself having sex with this person if EVeN ONE MORE word starts spilling out of their mouth. However, they have been coming onto you still. I say just call it quits. IF YOUR DISLIKE FOR THEIR CONVERSATION IS MORE THAN TEMPORARY THAN YOU DISLIKE THEM, AS A PERSON. Hot body or not, respect your own and find someone you can truly party with.


I think I have addressed most of the problems we find ourselves dealing with when we say” I like him/her but….”


But if there are any more feel free to tell me and I will try to find a way to help us all have a SAFE and SEXY time.

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