The real truth is the only thing that keeps a new couple from wanting to take that next step is the fear of failure. You have invested years in your relationship with your partner, and in just one instant, so many things could go wrong if this swinging thing turns out to be a disaster. All these feelings are quite normal and if you are having these exact thoughts, just know that almost every single lifestyle couple went through this before they had their first experience.
Based on my experience with newbie couples and being around the swinging lifestyle for so many years, here are the five key things to having a successful first experience.
1. Don’t Stop Communicating
You can never talk about it enough. Though it’s hard to know exactly how you will react after things become real, talking about each possible scenario will sometimes trigger an emotion that will indicate to you whether something feels right or not. Communication only works when there is honesty. Share your every single thought and emotion with your partner. The ones that make you nervous, the ones that make you excited and the ones that are absolutely terrifying. Be sure to help each other out as you are both newbies and could be experiencing the same emotions. Your partner may be nervous to share all their thoughts with you because they are afraid of how you might react. You can help him or her out by asking bold questions and letting them know that it is safe to give an honest answer, as you will not overreact. Be the support for each other. Listen to your partner’s communication
2. Establish Ground Rules
The reason for communicating to discover and reveal the things that may make you uncomfortable based on the emotions you have when you think about them. We call these the rules or boundaries. Establish your ground rule and respect each other’s wishes. Rules are not up for negotiation in the begining, however many times the rules get relaxed based on comfort levels. If your partner is not OK with something right now, it does not mean they never will be. Give them the time to evolve, but for now, respect where they are at. If it does not work for both, it does not work at all. Be honest about your rules, share them with your partner and respect each other boundaries and you will never go wrong.
3. No Rush, No Pressure
It’s very normal to feel like you have to do something soon because you have been talking about it for so long. Do not pressure yourself; don’t rush into anything before you are completely ready. Sometimes it helps to just be in an environment watching other couples and how they handle different situations. Never let “not hooking up” be a let down or disappointment. When the time is right for both partners, you will know. If you are ready and your partner is not, here is my advice to you, “go as fast as the slowest person.”
4. Put Your Partners Needs First
The most successful couples in the swinging lifestyle are normally the ones who are most “selfless”. Couples, who take a genuine interest in each other’s pleasure, almost always have amazing experiences and very little drama. For sure it’s ok for you to find some enjoyment for yourself out of this new and exciting venture. But trust me when I say this, the more you give, the more you will get. Yes, that rule applies here too. Find out the things that your partner is interested in experiencing, help him or her in fulfilling those fantasies, and a good partner will do the same for you.
5. Find A Safe Couple
Sometimes the first couple we are attracted to may not be the best couple to share your first experience with. The other couple is an important part of how successful your first experience is. There is a lot of amazing couples in the swinging lifestyle that enjoy helping newbies have a great introduction to swinging. As well as there are couples that are selfish, and may take little consideration to the fact that you are new and you may not be where they are at in terms of the things you are willing to do. Find a couple that takes an interest in your rules as a newbie couple, and they are will to go only as far or as fast as you ready to go.
Being in the swinging lifestyle can really be an exciting experience for couples that want to experiment. As long as you communicate well with your partner, be patient and selfless, you will no doubt have an amazing first time. If you are a newbie couple looking to take that next step, please take these five tips into consideration. Your first experience has a better chance of being fun and drama free if you do.