How To Avoid Drama And Jealousy As A Swinger Couple

In the Lifestyle, unlike the vanilla world the big “D” word is not Divorce, but rather Drama! Drama is defined by Merriam Webster as:

a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces

There is nothing worse than witnessing an “intense conflict of forces” while standing around with your underwear or panties at your ankles watching all eroticism flee the room! As one navigates this incredibly fun Lifestyle highway, they will find themselves in somewhat exposed situations from time to time.

By exposed, I am not only referring to the panties around your ankles bit, but physical and emotional exposure. Often times you may be at the house or dwelling of someone you barely know, or sharing a hotel room on the other side of town with another couple.

While these situations don’t sound too awkward or terrible compared to the craziness that swinging generally involves, they can become incredibly awkward, annoying, or even dangerous if all of the sudden “Drama” enters the picture.

So lets have an example of what “Drama” could be

Mrs. SwingWifes and I were once with a couple in a hotel room over an hour from our house, when all of the sudden during play the wife of the other couple became enraged at her husband for some reason. She jumped from the bed, grabbed her husband by the hand, led him off to the restroom, and proceeded to yell at him for about half an hour.

This situation would not have been that bad, if Mrs. G and I in our naked glory had not left our clothes and keys in the very bathroom housing the brawl. Therefore we had the pleasure of laying around in a hotel room naked (usually not a bad thing in our book) waiting for Ozzie and Harriet to become friends again. Needless to say our night was over, and we have put that couple on the top of our “let’s don’t call them again list”.

Another example could be

We once read a story on a discussion board at CouplesTouch.com that involved a pair of swingers who after meeting and flirting with a couple at a club invited the couple back to their home. The problem was when they got there the husband of the couple came out of the car and apologized, for his wife had gotten nervous and decided to back out.

This is not a problem and understandable, what was the problem however was they soon found out the reason she had backed out was because she felt her husband was making her go. On the way to the swingers house they got into a huge fight over it and the fight ended with the wife calling the police saying her husband was trying to force her to have sex with another couple. (Note: We have no idea the validity of this story, but can assure you some crazy things have happened out there)

These examples as well as many more stories of crazy and idiotic situations swingers sometimes find themselves in can be found on the forums or discussion boards at any of the major swinger websites. These stories illustrate exactly what swingers mean, when they are saying “No Drama”.

We don’t tell you this to scare new swingers away, but more importantly to help new swingers identify what the causes of these situations are and how to avoid them!

So how do we avoid “Drama” in the Lifestyle?

Make sure the “Drama” is not you!
First and foremost grab that sexy spouse of yours, take off all your clothes, stand in front of the mirror, and then take a good hard look. Statistically the majority of all Drama filled situations in the Lifestyle occur around and among newcomers. The simple reason is that often couples new to the Lifestyle are not sure what to expect or what they want and suddenly find themselves in a situation where one or both of them is uncomfortable. Once this has happened there are very few ways to react that are going to be Drama free!

The most simple way to avoid this situation is to talk! Wait, not just talk, but I mean TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK and then try discussing it a little more. The absolute most essential quality of any Swinging couple is communication! Make sure and know your partner in and out, upside, and down before moving forward with the Lifestyle.

The second most important thing you can do is to Slow Down! Don’t be in a rush to jump into a play situation. After you have discussed and discussed as mentioned above put yourself in some situations where you can get some exposure to the Lifestyle, but don’t do anything more than that.

Maybe go to a club or meet and greet where you can get to know some people and try your hand at flirting. Then after you get home talk some about how each of you felt about how the night went. What turned you on? What, if anything, made you uncomfortable? (Are you starting to notice a theme here?)

If you take your time and communicate well, it is highly unlikely that you are going to have any issues being a source of Drama in the Lifestyle! If you are considering entering the Lifestyle at all, please read our New Swinger Guides for a much more detailed view of what to expect as you start this very sexy journey!

Make sure the couples you are playing with are not prone to Drama!
While it is quite impossible to look at a couple and know whether they are going to turn into a marital version of the Roadrunner and Coyote at the end of the night, you can look for some signs that may warn you and ask some questions to find out the rest.

Keep this thought in mind:

An ounce of annoyance or weirdness turns into a pound of freak once the clothes come off!!!

If you see anything from odd to mildly obnoxious examine the situation further before moving forward. Specific signs that there may be some trouble:

  • Only one of the couple does all of the talking
  • They themselves are new and express any doubts or concerns
  • Either one is overly inebriated
  • They tend to disagree or argue with each other a lot
  • They try to tell you a secret about their spouse
  • They voted for Clay Aiken on American Idol

OK, I admit it, the last one was just to make sure you were paying attention. The point is there are usually plenty of warning signs. Basically, anything they do that indicates they are not on the same page with each other should trigger some red flags in that sexy little swinger head of yours.

Once those flags are raised either back away or ask some questions to find out more about what you are getting into. If you just use some common sense you should be able to avoid most of the unpredictable situations by avoiding unpredictable people.

Lastly, Swing defensively!

Just like a good defensive driver is always making sure they have an escape route, you should always make sure you have a safe and comfortable out in any situation.

Make sure you and your spouse have a code word or phrase that you each recognize instantly, like “I am hungry for some pizza”. When either one of you states it, the other one knows that you are in a NO GO situation and you need some place to talk! Have a few canned believable excuses for having to leave if something does not feel right.

Make sure you don’t put your fate in strangers hands. Drive your own car together and don’t let yourself be blocked in when parking in the driveway. If you are separated make sure and check on each other often ensuring your spouse is comfortable.

Most importantly….

Continue to Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!!!

If you just be a little careful and conscious of what you are getting yourself into, you should never find yourself in much trouble.

So put on same sexy panties and your best perfume and come have some Drama free fun with the rest of us this weekend!

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