Do you smell that? It is the smell of something exciting in the air. You have done plenty of research, an incredible amount of talking between you and your spouse, and you have even been flirting and learning about the lifestyle in your community. Now you are ready to take the “big” step and get away from the mouse and keyboard to begin interacting with your fellow “swingers” in the flesh. Before we run out the door, let’s discuss a few things about this special occasion.
Every couple had butterflies on their first night, and many (including Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I) still get a few when we go out. To be honest, being a little nervous is a good thing, it means excitement is ahead and that excitement is probably why we are having this conversation.
There have been many couples that had a case of butterflies explode into flat out fear on the way to their first outing, causing them to turn around and just go home. Often, these couples will decide the “Lifestyle” is not for them and never venture out again. Unfortunately, the assumption that the lifestyle is not for them is most likely false, as they probably would not have gotten that far if it were so. At the very least, it would be a good idea to examine why they backed out, to look for other reasons behind it.
The majority of time it boils down to the extreme fear of the unknown, coupled with the pressure of “What am I getting myself into?” that causes panic and turns the car around. There is an absolute flawless way to avoid this issue altogether, and that is to make a promise that the only person you are going to be with on this night, in any way, is your spouse. When you leave the house that first night, set a time that you are going to be home to make mad passionate love with each other, and then keep your date. Ladies, leave your spouse’s favorite lingerie, panties, or sexual aid lying out on the bed. Guys buy some chocolates, flowers, and champagne and rest them next to your favorite lingerie so both of you can be looking forward to returning to it all evening. The point is, you are going to experience something brand new and exciting, but you are going to experience it together, and for this first night, you are going to experience it somewhat from a distance. If you both leave the house madly in love, and oozing with excitement to come back home and be with only each other, then nothing is going to happen that should make you do anything but smile on your first night out as a “swinger”.
This task of coming home alone is not going to be as tough as you may think it will. Many couples assume there is going to be a line of pushy men and women humping their legs and grabbing at their collars all evening. This is just simply not true! In all of mine and Mrs. Gentlenibble’s experiences we have never met a couple that was pushy. Most likely, there are going to be couples who come up and introduce themselves. Don’t be afraid to get to know these couples a little bit, and enjoy yourselves. It is very hard not to be defensive when you are new to the lifestyle, with a morbid fear of speaking to someone you are not attracted to for fear of acknowledging some unspoken contract. Just as the universe has “The Laws of Physics” that determine and describe what happens within it, so does the world of swinging. One of these “Laws of the Physics of Swinging” should be:
Just because someone say’s “Hi” to me, does not mean they want to sleep with me or my spouse!
In reality, “swingers” are some of the friendliest people you will ever meet, they have to be or otherwise they become pretty lonely swingers. 😉 So relax, have a great time, and don’t be scared. Chances are you are about to have the time of your life!
There are obviously multitudes of ways this first event may take place, but for most of us, it probably happened in one of three ways. (If you are an active swinger and none of these describe your first time out, let us know. Leave us a comment or send us an email.)
The three ways are:
• A meet and greet event- Attending a gathering of “lifestylers” in a non pressure place for the purposes of getting to know each other.
• A swingers club- Going to a club specifically designed for “lifestylers”
• A date- Meeting another couple for dinner, drinks, or dancing to get to know each other.
Each one of these three choices has some advantages, and depending on your comfort level one may suit you better than the other two. We are going to start by discussing the one with the lowest pressure, and work our way up to the higher pressure situations. Keep in mind the higher the pressure, usually means the more likely there is going to be some kind of “play” or “activity” involved. That is not necessarily a bad thing; we just need to make sure we know what we want before we head out the door.
A Meet and Greet
These are, in our opinion, the best way for new “swingers” to get introduced to the lifestyle. Most often they are held at “vanilla” bars with plenty of patrons not in the lifestyle running around. Usually, there will be arm bands or some other non-descript identifier handed out so that the swingers can identify each other as they mingle among the masses.
What makes these such a great choice, is you can leave your arm band off, have a few drinks, and mingle as “vanilla” couple pretending you have no idea about the meet and greet until you are more comfortable. It also takes a lot of pressure off those couples who are afraid of getting pushed into “playing”, as there is no way the bar owners are going to let anything like that go on. (Keep in mind, I said, “those couples who are “afraid” of getting pushed”, as once again I restate we have never seen any couple be pressured.) It also gives you an easy way to slip away if you are feeling uncomfortable in any way. Very few people see who is coming and going from a bar after the first few rounds are done.
A Swinger’s Club
This is another great way to get introduced to the lifestyle. There are two types of “swinger’s” clubs, on premise and off premise. Off premise serves more as a meeting place for “lifestylers”, as no sexual activity is allowed on premise. On premise clubs have areas of the club, where if a couple is so inclined, they can choose to join another couple or group of people and enjoy themselves to their hearts content.
The reasons on-premise clubs are still a good way to go, is that even they have areas where no play is allowed. Earlier in the evening, these areas are going to be packed with people just having a great time in an erotic environment. Often off premise clubs and these g-rated areas of the on premise clubs are pretty similar to a very wild “vanilla” club or bar. Usually, some of the ladies are covering a little less with their outfits than in a vanilla club, but the activity of the club could be described as “Vanilla” with a cherry on top. It is a great way to meet a lot of people in the lifestyle so you can get around any stereotypes you may have about them and get to know some of them. Just like the bar, it is pretty easy to get out the door without making up excuses if you start feeling uncomfortable.
This is the one where, I believe, quite a few things could go wrong. To begin with, your chance of a happy successful evening depends on only one couple. If they get on your nerves or make you uncomfortable you cannot just move on to the next couple. Secondly, if you have accepted an invitation to meet a couple, obtained a babysitter, drove to the meeting place, and the other couple has as well, it is very hard for everyone involved to not feel some pressure to “make the most out of the evening”. You, as a couple, may have only recently been able to start talking with their spouse about some of their desires and fantasies’ involving the lifestyle, most likely there is going to be some apprehension if this topic is brought up at the dinner table with practical strangers. All of these reasons make this choice, the least likely to be successful on a first night out.
In some areas there are not a lot of options for meeting other “lifestylers” and this may be your only choice. If you are going to meet a couple out, there are a few things you can do to help ensure a safe and happy time is had by all.
• Make it clear from the start you have no intentions of “playing”. This is a “get to know each other” outing only.
• Get to know the other couple before heading out. Chat online, exchange email, talk on the phone, or send smoke signals. Take every opportunity to engage the other couple in conversations. If at any time during this “feeling out” period, you smell an ounce of weirdness coming out of them, call the whole thing off. An ounce of weirdness in a chat or on the phone turns into a handful of ugly in person. (…maybe that is another of the “laws of physics of swinging???)
• Meet at a restaurant, bar, or somewhere else public. Remember, it is a lot harder to walk away, when their 250lb dog is sleeping in front of the door.
• Make plans to meet your kids or some other friends after the dinner, this gives you an easy out and is hard to argue with.
Trust me, if you guys hit it off and you can’t wait to play naked twister together, there is always another night.
Well, young “swinger” padawan, you are ready to go forth with your light saber and fight for the good of the Republic….. I mean, have a great time and let us know here at gentlenibbles.com how your date went!!!