How I Became A Swinger

By:  Isabella Rose, December 12, 2014

We’ve been swingers, or “in the lifestyle,” as it’s called, for six years. I’m a middle-aged, heterosexual female in a long-term, committed relationship with a middle-aged, heterosexual male. Yes, we are in a committed relationship and openly enjoying sex with people outside of our relationship.

And, no, there’s no jealousy or drama.

The difference between swinging and cheating is that swingers know about and are OK with the sex going on outside the relationship. Beyond this basic definition, swinging means different things to different people. Each of us gets to figure out where our boundaries are – who we’re looking for, how we’ll find them, and what we’ll do (and not do) with them. It’s not a gang bang-style free-for-all. Unless you of course want it to be.

Maybe you and your partner are considering swinging. Or maybe you’re just thinking about it and you’d like to talk to your partner about it. Here’s my story.

How It all began

Our journey began with bedroom talk and sharing fantasies about having other people in the room with us while we were having sex. The fantasies were pretty tame, in hindsight, and focused mostly on another woman stimulating another part of my spouse’s body in addition to the parts that were already being stimulated. From his perspective, there just weren’t enough hands, mouths and vaginas to cover off all the erogenous parts of his body. I had fantasies too, but at first I was less forthcoming. Eventually, I admitted fantasizing about watching my spouse with another woman, or even several women. (Years later, I’m more comfortable talking about my own fantasies. I attribute that to swinging.)

 

Fantasizing and talking led to research into how and where to find the real-life extras featured in our fantasies. My spouse is the go-to guy for Internet research. He spent hours reading online about swinging. He amassed a wealth of information about websites and local clubs where swingers meet. During his research, he found some very good how-to sex sites and, one Sunday afternoon, I was surprised that we’d found ourselves watching and discussing an instructional video on anal sex! It was a pretty straightforward discussion, and pretty soon we were talking about swinging in the same way. But would we take the leap? And how? (Check out some common reservations couples tend to have about anal sex in Butt Play: Your Ifs, Ands and … Buts.)

Learning the Ropes

One thing I learned pretty quickly: Websites for swinger clubs have good information for “wanna-be” swingers. I liked that most clubs made it pretty clear that in swinging, the woman is in charge and no means no. That impressed me.

The research and discussion continued for several months. We talked about what we wanted out of swinging, our boundaries and how we saw it unfolding. Over time, we developed a mutual position on what we would do and not do. We wanted a male/female couple close to our age that were reasonably fit for full swap (i.e. intercourse included), same-room play. We did not want to become their friends. Just sex, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

We both felt pretty tentative and cautious, but we finally decided to take the “why the hell not, lets see what happens” approach. Unless you try, you never really know what will happen after.

We still had one problem though: Having never been to a swing club, we were concerned that we were too old to fit in. We pictured ourselves sitting in a corner alone and embarrassed among a crowd of beautiful, young and sexy rompers.

Finally, we gathered up our courage for a first try. It was time to see if we could meet another couple our age. We thought we’d found a promising couple on an online dating site in the section for hook-ups. The pictures looked great and they sounded like a good fit. Little did we know.

We met the couple in a crowded, noisy restaurant because we wanted the safety of a very public place. The couple turned out to be at least 10 years older than their posted pictures. We shared some appetizers and talked a bit. It was their first meeting too, so we were all newbies this whole thing. We couldn’t see ourselves taking our clothes off with them, so we never contacted them again.

A few months later, we mustered more courage and ventured out to a local swing club. Instructions on the club website said we had to call the club owners ahead of time and ask if we could attend as guests on the upcoming Friday night, which also happened to be Newbie Night. The club owner was friendly and welcoming on the phone. I decided to take a deep breath and just ask here: Would we end up being loner losers, humiliated and huddled by ourselves in the corner? She explained that the club had a bar and dance floor, where clothed people can visit, dance and flirt, just like in a regular bar. The playing (i.e. sex) occurred upstairs.

“Just come and see,” she said. It sounded like she was smiling – or even stifling a laugh.

You can read the rest of the article  here .

 

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