Dear Santa: “A Swinger’s Wish List”

Dear Santa,

We have been swingers for the last five years, and we are probably number one on your “Naughty List.” For decades you have been giving gifts to only those who are nice, and it’s about time you stop discriminating and have some naughty gifts for the naughty ones as well. With that said, I am writing you this letter on behalf of me and all my swinger friends with a list of things we want for Christmas.


  • Super powerful penis for the men that gets hard in two seconds, can stay hard for several hours, long enough to ensure all the women in the play room are fully pleased.
  • Local swingers clubs without creepy old single men that walk around naked all night in the playroom gawking.
  • A lifelong babysitter for all swinger couples that is available to watch our kids every Saturday night “and” for a few weeks out of the year when we want to go away on our swinger’s vacations.
  • Neighbors that mind their and co-workers that mind their own fucking business and stop asking us questions about where we were on the weekend.
  • More couples that are equally attractive so we can get rid of situations where somebody is taking one for the team.
  • Couples dating sites with more real couples with recent pictures of themselves and not the ones they took when they were 30 years younger and 50 pounds lighter back in 1984.
  • A factory that breeds hot unicorns in large supply.
  • More midweek entertainment options for swinger couples who are too horny to wait until the weekend to go out for some sexy fun.
  • A device that helps detect other hot swinger couples passing us in the grocery store and other Vanilla places we frequent.
  • An easy way to tell others we are swingers without being judged by others or it causing us to get fired.


Now that you have dropped off all your gifts to those on your “Nice List”, we look forward to the you stopping by to deliver the gifts to those who have been “Naughty.”

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