Bringing another couple into your relationship can be intimidating to couples not accustomed to “sharing” a partner. However, once the initial reservations are overcome swinging can bring excitement and a sense of newness to your relationship that is nearly impossible to find anywhere else. Any couple that is exploring the lifestyle for the first time should first establish their comfort zones, both as a couple and as individuals. You may want to try attending and event where you can simply watch or have others watch you while in a group setting without structure. At the start of your explorations you may also want to attend a more intimate event in which you and your partner interact with only one other couple such as entertaining at someone’s house. Attending these two types of events will give you both a better idea of what your comfort level is.
Remember that in any situation at any type of event you may choose not to participate. Sometimes couples attend an event where they do not participate for many reasons. Perhaps they didn’t find another couple that seems suited to them or the environment is not in their comfort level. Whatever the reason, you will not be frowned upon for choosing not to participate.
As a couple new to swinging you should talk together about what your expectations are of both yourself and your partner, and any ground rules that may aid in your first lifestyle experience. (Of course these rules may change but it’s good to establish some for the first experience so that you are both on the same page). Communication between you and your partner both before and during your swinging experiences is the key to having a pleasurable first experience. Here are some other suggestions:
1. Use role-playing to stimulate a sexual experience with another couple.
Couples can play out a swinging fantasy by each partner pretending that the other is a stranger. Make it a point to talk about your feelings afterward. Did you feel nervous, stimulated, excited, anxious, or jealous? It is essential to discuss all of your feelings so that you or your partner is not surprised during a real swinging experience. If you have an idea of how you may feel you can make your experience even more pleasurable.
2. For your first experience discuss with your partner the possibility of meeting another couple alone.
There are usually many couples attending a party and the energy may be infectious prompting couples to experiment farther than they had discussed. On the other hand, the large number of people at a party may be intimidating, preventing first-timers from experimenting or even participating at all. In a one-on-one situation with another couple in a more intimate setting it is easier to control what happens and you are more likely to focus on how you and your partner are feeling.
3. Stay together while attending your first few parties.
Your first party sets the stage for your future swinging experiences. Therefore, it is extremely important that you are both comfortable and have fun. If you stay together you can communicate and stay in touch with the way your partner is feeling. Communication is the key to establishing your comfort zone and therefore making the most of your swinging experience. If, at your first party, you leave your partner to play with someone else, you better have a LOT of fun because it will most likely be your only lifestyle experience!
4. Watch first then play in parallel.
For your first experience it is important that everyone establish his or her comfort zones. Therefore, it is essential to progress slowly, especially if one person is apprehensive. I suggest starting with watching other couples play. If you are both comfortable with this enjoy the excitement and play together, just the two of you, but in the same room as another couple.
5. Play at the same level as your partner.
Try to keep the level of intimacy between all people involved about equal. This is just a suggestion, not a strict rule. However, the more the balance of intimacy falters, the more likely it is that someone will become uncomfortable. If your partner is having full-fledged intercourse while you are just talking with your swapped partner you could become uncomfortable fairly quickly, especially if you are new to the lifestyle.
6. Ensure both partners are having FUN!
Play so that you both are having fun. Don’t focus on just one person so that one of you is getting all of the attention, especially in your first few encounters. With experience it is easier to take turns and keep everyone happy and comfortable.
7. Establish a “save me” signal.
Before you begin any swinging encounters establish a signal that either partner can give at any point in the experience that says, “Something is up. We need to talk.” This signal will be used if someone becomes uncomfortable. If either partner gives the signal stop and talk immediately, no matter what is happening.
8. Take home the eroticism and passion.
Playing with another couple can exponentially increase the sexual attraction between you and your significant other. One of the main reasons couples swing is to enhance their own relationship, both sexually and emotionally. A great swinging experience improves your own relationship. Re-experience your encounters when you get home.
9. Men, do not be surprised if you have difficulty keeping an erection. Women, be prepared to play without an erection to assist.
One of nature’s cruelest jokes was to give a man his most desired fantasy only to have experience penis malfunction. It will happen. Despite the common conception that men will jump at any opportunity for sex regardless of the partner, it is often difficult for a male to overcome the socially reinforced belief that sleeping with someone other than his partner is forbidden.
10. Swinging can be a bad experience if:
i) Someone gets a disease
ii) You believe that swinging is wrong but wonder if a personal experience could convince you otherwise (you won’t be convinced)
iii) You do not communicate with your partner
iv) You are not prepared emotionally or physically
11) You can make swinging even better for you and your partner by:
i) Staying in communication with your partner
ii) Experience erotic pleasure in ways other than intercourse
ii) Expanding your experiences to include even more fun games to play at home
12) No means no.
…but sometimes it’s hard to say no. You may be unsure of your partner’s feelings or even our own, you may not know how to say “no”, or you may just be uncomfortable rejecting someone. In the case you need/want to say “no” but can’t/won’t, simply withdraw. Go to the bathroom. This is always an acceptable excuse. Creating a no-pressure situation is very important when swinging, especially for newcomers.
13) Do not play with couples in conflict.
We all have problems from time to time. However, if it is obvious that a couple is not getting along it is likely that swinging with that couple will turn negative.
14) HAVE FUN!
Swinging is about enjoying intimacy with your partner and heightening the experience by including other couples. Relax and have fun!